Thursday, June 15, 2017

An open letter to my almost two year old

To Colton on your 2nd birthday,

Hi Bubs, it’s Mama. 

I have to be honest I’m having a bit of a hard time. Today is the day before your second birthday. I know that I’m supposed to be excited and thrilled for you, but a big part of me is very sad.  I’m sad because tomorrow you will officially become a “little boy” and that might be more than I can handle. You’ll always be my baby boy. You’ll always be my mister smiley. You’ll also always be the one who taught me that babies are not easy. Your sister, you see, was what they call an “angel” baby. Some might even call her a “trick” baby because she led us to believe that having an infant was super-duper easy. Because of that we decided that having a second child was something we wanted. How hard could it be?? Haha! So naïve.

And that’s not to say that once you were here you were a difficult baby, but you certainly did not make things as easy on us as Chaela did. You were given the nickname mister smiley early on because you hit the milestone of smiling before we expected you to hit it.  You also loved to sleep just like your sister.  But boy, when you wanted something did you let us know by SCREAMING.  You had this ear piercing scream that I will never forget and sometimes you still use those lungs when you’re upset!  I hope you know that’s what makes you special. Although I am sad that you are losing your baby chubs and growing into a little boy, I am so impressed with your strong opinions and how you’re never afraid to express them.  You know what you want, when you want it and you have no problem letting anyone know. You’re a strong willed person with a twisted sense of humor (I’d like to think you get that from me, but I suppose we can thank daddy, too.) You can also be quite shy at times when we go somewhere new. I guess that’s the Gemini in you. You have two definite sides to you. One that terrifies me, yet impresses me because you are so bold and so brave and the other side that I adore because you can be so sensitive, sweet and loving.

Let’s talk about Elmo. In case we forget to tell you someday, because believe me it’s hard to remember everything the second child does with as much detail as we did with the first, let me tell you that you LOVE Elmo. And I don’t just mean love like a child loves ice cream or cake. You have affection towards Elmo unlike anything I’ve ever seen. He goes with us everywhere. You sleep with him. He eats with you. He goes on car rides with you. You get snot on him. He gives you hugs when you need them. You watch him on TV. He gets you through dinners when we eat at restaurants. You guys have a real connection.  I hope that you continue this sort of affection with the friends you gain at school and throughout your life. It shows me that you understand what loyalty is at such a young age. Elmo is your homie now, but whoever gets you as a friend later in life - they are truly the lucky ones and they will have that gross booger covered Elmo to thank. 

I love you so much, buddy. Sometimes I have more sympathy than most would with you because I know you want to talk to me clearly, SO badly.  Lately you are a little tongue tied with your words and that is very difficult for you. It is, however, very funny because Daddy and I know what you mean to say, but sometimes it’s like talking to a foreign exchange student. I am so excited and also a little scared for the day that you figure out how to open your mouth and pronounce words correctly. We will be in so much trouble when that day comes. 

Some other things I want to share with you before my memory fades away...

You may look innocent and cute, but you are also VERY into wrestling and rough housing lately. You pounced on me like a cat the other day, and while I was in shock and screaming "ouch" with laughter, your daddy said “Welcome to having a boy, honey.” You have so much passion with everything you do. Whether it’s singing a song or hugging me so hard that it turns into choking and pinching me, you put your full heart into everything you do. You even put passion into your food. We know if you love something because you will hum quite loudly as you eat it. And of course if you don’t like something you will gag, scream and say “NO!” very clearly too. Your main food groups are: Pancakes, waffles, chicken, fish, ritz crackers, apple sauce and cookies. And all of these can change depending on what mood you are in and hopefully someday you'll expand from being so picky. 

Did you know you have the most amazing big sister in the world? She love you so much! She's been your number one fan since day one. Sometimes you make her crazy because she doesn't remember what it was like to be a little guy with no way of communicating too clearly, but she also has an incredible amount of patience with you. She loves to give you hugs, sometimes a little too tight, but you also give that love back to her ten fold with your random hugs and kisses that surprise us. It amazes me how you can be enemies and the best of friends all in one day. She'll sing to you when you cry, she'll level with you when you're being unreasonable and she'll even take baths with you despite her better judgement. There's few things that make me so happy as seeing the two of you together, even the times when you make each other crazy. I hope you know that she will always have your back. She is one tough chick.

Can I tell you my favorite thing we do lately? When I put you to bed at night, you’ve been letting me rock you like a baby in my arms just like you used to when you were a newborn. It’s so special to me because I know you don’t like it, but somehow you understand
that I need it and allow it. It melts my heart to look down at you smiling at what a dork I am.  And once you’ve grown tired of the rocking you reach for your crib, and I swear I’ve never met a child who loves to crawl into their crib as much as you do.  Anyway, after you’ve gotten in your crib, I sit down by the side of it and you give me kisses through the railing of your crib and we giggle about it. I’ll whisper to you “I love you bubs” and you’ll say back to me “I wuv oo mama” and my heart explodes.  Someday it won’t be so cool to kiss me as much as I love to kiss you. I love this new little routine we’ve created. It makes me feel so special because most of the time you want Daddy at night. And while I get it, because Daddy is pretty great, I secretly wish that you would only want me forever and ever because that’s what crazy mamas want.

My wish for you as you turn two years old is very simple. I wish for you that you continue to live your life with such outright passion. I hope that you never stop expressing yourself, even if it seems impossible to get your point across. And may you always remember that Mama will always be there to give you big hugs and kisses – even when you become too cool for it someday - I’ll still be the weirdo who will give you a million kisses all over your face because your my bubs, buddy and little mister smiley always and forever!!!



P.S. Someday you'll find out about those videos we did each month of your sister's first year of life and also about her 1 year old photo shoot. Pay no attention to that. Someday if you have kids of your own you'll understand that once you have two kids lots of things get trickier to do!! I hope this heartfelt blog and collection of pics from the last 2 years somewhat makes up for that!! XOXOXO


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